Maybe Someday...

I am so in love with Ireland. I have every intention of visiting someday, but first I have years worth of stuff to do. You know, things like having kids, going to school, and working up to get the vacation time. I will go someday.

Someday.

The "Spongebob Yellow" Cast

So this is my baby in a cast. I'm so upset that my 2 year old has broken his leg already. On top of that, I feel so very, very responsible. I watched as D climbed out of his crib and teetered on the edge of the rail. If I hadn't called his name and broken his concentration, he may never have fallen and broken his leg. Now he is in a big boy bed and doing fine. I just keep kicking myself for not taking him out of the crib the first time he got out. This could have been prevented, and that's why I blame myself. He's my baby! I may have to go to the doctor after his cast is off, because my back is now completely destroyed. You would think he would sit nicely knowing he can't walk, but all that means is that me and J are now his legs. The doctor said D would be able to walk on the cast, but we shall see. It does look quite awkward to walk in with it being bent at the knee.

Fun with Water

I'm taking my D to a sprinkler park today. Its really not warm enough for it today, but I like this place so much because D likes this place so much. The second his feet hit the ground I can barely get him to have anything to eat or drink, let alone dry him off for five minutes. Once he was exhausted from having fun, which was an hour and a half later, we went a whole 2 feet to the playground. Whats so great about this place is that its clean, fenced in, and not too crowded if you go early enough. There is a possibility we will not stay as long as I like, but it will be worth it.

Really!? Because Nobody Gives a Crap!

This is just a list of things I like to say (or would like to say) on a daily basis:

• Did you have to put that in your mouth?
• That doesn't sound right AT ALL!
• Crayons are for drawing, not eating.
• I need a Starbucks grande iced,white-chocolate-mocha latte with whip cream before I lose it completely!

Whats funny though is that yesterday I was drinking my usual coffee when I noticed I almost swallowed something large in my cup. It was a piece of orange crayon that D had decided would make my coffee taste better. Thank God they're non-toxic.

Coffee...

"The blood is the life!". That's how I feel about coffee. If coffee was never invented I would drink tea. If tea was never invented I would not survive this life. Its funny when you think about just how addicting caffeine is. I wake up and my first thought is "make...coffee". Someone once told me the true definition of an alcoholic is when you need an drink first thing in the morning. That I will never understand, but is a caffeine addiction that far off? Yes alcohol is far far worse for you, and coffee in normal amounts doesn't hurt, but if you need something to make you function normally it can't be good for you. I smoked cigarettes till I was 26 and didn't realize how much they limited what I was able to do. Now I wish I never started, but it is what it is.

(FYI, I'm writing this while drinking coffee.)

I Just Want to Sleep

J and I have been thinking about putting D into a toddler bed. This comes at an appropriate time seeing as the crib he is in just had a voluntary recall. Nice. This past weekend D has been with my M.I.L. in a camper and sleeping in a twin bed with a bumper. Apparently he slept well the first night, and last night I came up to join them. I tried to get him in to bed, but around 10pm he was still unwilling to be left alone and would climb off of the bed and run around. At that point I decided to just sleep with him since I was exhausted as it was. He did not sleep so well...and neither did I. Tossing and turning, feet in the face, and no ventilation made for a sleepless night for me. Now my back is totally a mess and I can't even go to bed early or relax too much since I have to crank out another paper for school and do research for my next project. Back to the point, I see the transition to a big boy bed might be more challenging than I originally thought. Maybe if we find the right one it won't be so bad. Hmm.

Sanity

There is a direct connection between how much stress I build up over time and how emotional and angry I get once the stress gets to be too much. I now am at the point where there is little that does not set me off. I wish I could blame it on PMS, but that just isn't a valid cause anymore. I need an outlet that gets my aggression and frustration out. I should exercise, but I'm far to busy (lazy) for that. I could see a therapist, but I'm spending enough on medical crap to be pouring more money into the broken and retarded health care system. And my band aid of having a glass of wine at night has proven to be anti-relaxing lately. No, I think this blog will do the trick for now. Though it did not help last night as I was throwing D's toys down the basement stairs in a fit of cleaning (see I can clean my house...the whole house...when I'm at the breaking point). I would have had J take over the bath time after D dumped a bucket full of water out of the tub, but I was determined to control the situation. Yeah that didn't work. Whats funny is I use to be critical of the way my sister yelled and punished my nephews, but I get it. I really, really get it! It's an awful feeling to focus anger at my son. Its not his fault that I've had a hard time dealing, nor is it fair for me to feel alone in raising my child. Yes J is there to help when I need it, but I always feel like I should be able to handle it. I'm the mother, that's the way its suppose to be. Detached working father, attentive loving mother. Its too bad I'm the furthest thing from attentive. Loving? Absolutely, but I'm so distracted by work, school, a constantly disgusting house, cooking dinner, and some days I even take a shower!

I hope I get it together.